Beyond Good or Bad: Becoming an EVIL BIRDER

Updated: Apr 2

Great Black-backed Gull and Mallard 9 January 2011 in CP by D. Allen

1 April 2021


Spring Bird Notes: TWO morning Bird Walks this weekend through mid-June on both Saturday and Sunday mornings (7:30am/9:30am)...OWL Walks (2)! this Saturday and Sunday, 3-4 April (4pm), to a Great Horned Owl nest in the east Bronx; details below and the SCHEDULE page of this web site.


In this week's Historical Notes, we take a wrong turn into unknown territory where the evil birders are lurking. Our essay lays out just how to become an evil birder for the ages. Or put another way, when god builds a church, the devil builds his next door. Which will you enter? We provide similar ethical choices below. And to compound the dilemma, we include photos of good birds doing evil things (naturally), or just plain evil birds by their nature. (Don't) Thank Deborah Allen for her aesthetically pleasing images...


Great Horned Owl on her nest in Pelham Bay Park on 30 March 2021 by Deborah Allen

Bird Walks for Early April 2021

All Walks @ $10/person

Directions to All Meeting Locations can be found here


1. Saturday, 3 April at 7:30am and again at 9:30am. Bird Walk. Boathouse Cafe; 74th street/East Drive $10. If you do the 7:30am walk, you get the 9:30am walk for free.


2. Saturday, 3 April at 4pm. OWL WALK. $10 - Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx - Meet at the FREE parking lot at Split Rock/Pelham Golf Course on Shore Road - More DETAILS on the SCHEDULE page


Nesting Great Horned Owls (GHOs) of Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx

Meeting Location (Free Parking): Split Rock Golf Course

Address for your GPS: 870 Shore Road, The Bronx, NY 10464

Use this Google Map for Directions from Your Home (Click Here)

Here's a Map (note red pin) of Parking Lot: (Click Here)

Here's a VIDEO of the GHO Nest we will visit: (Click Here)

If using Public Transportation (long trip but doable): (Click Here)


3. Sunday, 4 April at 7:30am and again at 9:30am. Bird Walk. Boathouse Cafe; 74th street/East Drive $10. If you do the 7:30am walk, you get the 9:30am walk for free.


4. Sunday, 4 April at 4pm. OWL WALK. $10 - Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx - Meet at the FREE parking lot of the Split Rock Golf Course - DETAILS on the SCHEDULE page


Nesting Great Horned Owls (GHOs) of Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx

Meeting Location (Free Parking): Split Rock Golf Course

Address for your GPS: 870 Shore Road, The Bronx, NY 10464

Use this Google Map for Directions from Your Home (Click Here)

Here's a Map (note red pin) of Parking Lot: (Click Here)

Here's a VIDEO of the GHO Nest we will visit: (Click Here)

If using Public Transportation (long trip but doable): (Click Here)

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Call (718-828-8262) or Email us with questions: rdcny@earthlink.net

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The fine print: Our walks on weekends meet at 7:30/9:30am at the Boathouse Restaurant (approx. 74th street and the East Drive). Please note: the Boathouse is not one of the buildings that surround the nearby Model Boat Pond - people make this mistake all the time! Fridays we meet at Conservatory Garden; Mondays at Strawberry Fields - check the "Meeting Points" page of this web site for exact meeting location.


Our home phone is 718-828-8262...and Deborah's cell is: 347-703-5554. Email is (rdcny@earthlink.net). If you are lost and trying to get to the bird walk, call Deborah's cell phone...but remember on weekends there will be 2-3 other people calling who are also lost - please be patient. If in doubt about whether a walk will take place or not the morning of the walk: check the main landing page of this web site as well as the "Schedule" page - if the walk is cancelled, information will be posted there by 6am the day of the walk, and usually by 11pm the night before. If still confused and as a last resort, call us at home - if no one answers it means we left for the bird walk. We end all our Central Park walks (except Fridays) near the Boathouse at about noon; you can get a cup of coffee and a muffin there (around $6 total) - though the Boathouse is closed right now and will re-open in April 2021 according to the owners. Walks last about 3 hrs (less if hot or rainy), and you can leave at anytime - we won't be offended. If you need directions/help to your next destination, just ask someone on the walk - we aim to please.


Turkey Vulture at State Line Lookout on the Palisades NY/NJ 12 March 2016 by D. Allen

Here is what we saw last week (brief highlights):


Saturday, 27 March (Boathouse Restaurant at 9:30am): This was the first "birdy" day we've had since early November 2020: Golden-crowned Kinglets were in groups of 3-10 around every corner and came in quickly to the calls from my tape. Meanwhile Eastern Phoebes were foraging for anything flying in the canopy of the early flowering trees such as Red Maples and Elms. When not up high, the phoebes sat on fences to snatch up flies warming themselves on the ground in the sun. A male American Kestrel came to land atop a conifer at the Pinetum to the sound of my "singing goldfinch flock in spring" call. And though we spent a lot of time at the outset of the walk with her, Barry Barred Owl was not the only highlight of the two walks...finally!


Deborah's List of Birds for Saturday, 27 March: https://tinyurl.com/26hf6dz6


Peregrine Falcon (adult female) in the Bronx on 10 October 2017 by Deborah Allen

HISTORICAL NOTEs


Even though I should take full credit for this essay written long ago, I won't because it would get me in too much trouble...and trouble is something worth sharing (ask Deborah about the last 20 years). I truly admit to having bad people as co-authors...the first came to my attention because by day she teaches ethics at a famous NYC University...but one evening I found her outside a Chinatown restaurant cursing at the "Peking" ducks hanging in the window. "Those are not even Beijing ducks" she screamed while pounding the glass..."They are Long Island Ducks; send them back from whence they came." She was also seen at the 59th st pond (Central Park) feeding white bread to the Mandarin Duck while her dog was running around off its leash! And then.....

The second co-author has an equally bad resume'. She fled Australia when it was discovered that as "chef" at the "Happy Belly Diner" she had, like a bad tummy, taken a bad turn. Setting up her establishment for "birders only" at the entrance to a biosphere reserve, her "all you can eat poached eggs" were all the rage. Passing bird groups came each morning to feast...until it was discovered her omelettes were made from eggs stolen from endangered cockatoo nests. Now in NYC we have seen her lurking within the feminist bird club bird walks, encouraging her "sisters" to laugh at men's binoculars.


Though each of us has spread evil on a local level in the past, we are now going commercial and need your help. Please help us bring an end to birding as we know it by sending round the following bad essay:


1 April 2021


Dear [name the good birder you are trying to make bad]:


We are so proud of you! During these last few years we have been teaching evil birding: knocking over people to get a better look at a bird; lying about sightings...or pushing fellow birders into poison ivy (and more recently oncoming traffic). We have seen this sort of birding practiced here and there and thought that we should institute it professionally beginning in Central Park and then radiating like a disease from the mother ship to all five boroughs. You could be the first person to infect an outer boro or even a different country...good for you! You have our magna cum laude imprimatur. More evil to you.


You are now eligible for graduate studies to bring the entire birding world to its knees - we tried and failed...

Field Study: As part of the bad people bird walks (I respect those people because they are my people - they come from every country and speak many languages...though badly) - you will receive my bad newsletter for more tips on how to attack fellow birders - to certified birders looking to vanquish their "friends." There are even suggestions by David Sibley hidden within bird calls to get the IRS involved to "x" out a rival birder. These will be sent to you in a series of "tweets."


Home Study Course: You just cannot say you are a bad person to get easy access to the weekly Newsletter of the Evil Doom of Birding. Someone else must swear you are a bad person (though in your case we have discovered there are so many who would testify on your behalf - that you are indeed bad to the bone - a written affidavit will be sufficient). So no phoney baloney "I am bad, send the home study course newsletter" testimony. We need to see absolute evidence that you are so bad you deserve to read about more secrets of totally evil birding.


For your final exam, be prepared to answer the questions similar to the following in front of a jury of your peers. Obviously, not under oath because if you are a bad person you would be lying anyway - that is good by the way. Here are the questions - and be prepared to cheat:


(a) Do you consider yourself a good people or a bad people? (Each of us has many "selves" so the question is correct in the plural. We think you are more bad than good so this works in your favor already.)


(b) what makes you badder than Donald Trump? Give specifics: dressing up as a Cowbird for Halloween; laughing while walking through the frozen chicken aisle at the supermarket; serving foie gras before a Christmas Bird Count on plates with illustrations of Passenger Pigeons and Carolina Parakeets. (Extra Points: watching the movie Batman and rooting for the Penguin.)


(c) in this last week, how many fellow birders did you single out and publicly attack on a Facebook birding forum? How many birding internet forums have you been banned from? How many owl roost sites have you broadcast to teenager hunting chat groups? Are you truly more evil than a House Sparrow in a Bluebird nest box?


(d) Everyone knows the "Jewish Warbler" (= Wilson's Warbler with its Yamaka); Can you name the "Islamic" Warbler? Hint: the male wears a hijab and is all yellow and black except the outer tail feathers. What is the Yakuza Eagle? What is the Mafia Wren?


(e) You go right to the front of the bad birder line if you devise comments similar to these: "I wouldn't tell you where that rare bird was because (fill in the reason here such as: "your mother dresses you funny and you deserve to die before you see that bird...OR "go ahead and beg on your knees, you will never get that information from me.") OR even better, rather than making good equipment available to struggling young birders, you steal and/or break their lousy equipment. (100+ points by getting yourself nice equipment and letting struggling ornithologists drool over what you have...pure jealousy on their part...a lose-lose situation...Baddest A+++ ever seen.)


OK there you are - the more points you score on the exam, and the more bad testimonies about you, the faster I send the Newsletter and tips for being the most evil, hated birder on the planet - and Central Park...though me and Donald Trump are currently running neck and neck to hell right now. We plan on running free great bird walks together near the Bob Plaza - so long as they thank us and everyone smiles.


THE Bad Bob and proud of it

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Evil addendum: To become Bodhisattva evil primo numero uno, you will have to devise some sneak suicide attack on fellow birders or even the birds themselves...Bad emails are just too funny and easy. I never take them seriously and hopefully you are smiling a little after reading this one too. Please help us improve it...it can be really worse funny.


Deborah Allen and Robert DeCandido PhD

Follow our Bird Sightings on Twitter: @DAllenNYC and/or @BirdingBobNYC


Woodchat Shrike (adult female) at Eilat, Israel on 28 March 2003

#BirdWalksCentralPark #BirdsofCentralPark #GreatHornedOwl #GreatHornedOwlBronx #GreatHornedOwlNestingNYC #EvilBirding #EvilBirdingCentralPark

@2002-2021 ROBERT DECANDIDO, PhD